I think all of my children have gone through the stage of banging their heads when they get upset, angry, or frustrated. I have always wondered why they would want to inflict pain on themselves like that.
My 1 yr old son has been banging his head A LOT lately and it is really getting to me. He will bang his head on the floor (carpet or tile – it doesn’t matter). He bangs his head on furniture and on walls. He even bangs his head on ME. Sometimes he will bang it softly and it doesn’t necessarily hurt him, but sometimes he will bang his head really hard until he makes himself cry. I have even seen marks on his forehead from the banging.
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I did some research about toddlers banging their heads and why they do it and it pretty much confirmed what I thought.
According to BabyCenter.com, they list out several possibilities:
• Self-comfort. This one seems a little weird to me. I have heard of thumb sucking, rocking, and hair pulling for self comfort, but not head banging. They say that toddlers sometimes bang their heads to relax. They bang their heads rhythmically as they’re falling asleep, when they wake up in the middle of the night, or even while they’re sleeping. Developmental experts believe that the rhythmic motion, like rocking in a chair, may help toddlers sooth themselves.
• Pain relief. This one makes sense to me. I have felt like banging my own head when I am in pain with a migraine or a toothache. Your toddler may also bang their head if they are in pain — from teething or an ear infection, for example. Head banging seems to help kids feel better, perhaps by distracting them from their discomfort.
• Frustration. This is the one that I see in my 1 yr old. They say, if your toddler bangs their head during temper tantrums, that they probably are trying to vent some strong emotions. They haven’t yet learned to express their feelings adequately through words, so they are using physical actions. They can also be comforting themselves from being frustrated.
• A need for attention. I do see this sometimes in my toddler. Ongoing head banging can be a way for your toddler to get attention. Understandably, as parents, we can get upset seeing our child banging their head. And since he likes it when you fuss over his behavior, he may continue the head banging in order to get the attention he wants.
• A developmental problem. Head banging can be associated with developmental disorders such as autism. It can be one of many behavioral red flags. Rarely does head banging alone signal a serious problem.
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I have to say I feel much better reading this list of possible reasons my toddler would be banging his head. I know that this phase will not last. Once he is able to express himself better through words, I think that the head banging will decrease and eventually stop altogether. Right now, my 1 yr old son doesn’t talk, so he is just using the physical action of banging his head to get the emotion and frustration out.
I think it is probably best to not pay too much attention too it, because it can become a need for attention. I have seen the head banging increase since I started saying to my son “No, don’t bang your head..”. I am going to work on ignoring it just like I ignore my older children’s pouting.
So, if you are struggling with having a child who bangs their head for self comfort, pain relief, frustration, or the need for attention – don’t fear – this too shall pass. In a few years you will look back and laugh about it. And if your child is showing signs of developmental issues, then share your concerns with your pediatrician and they will point you in the right direction for further help.
How about you? Have you ever dealt with a child who bangs their head? What did you do?
About the author
Dawn is the author of PainterMommy.com. She is also the mother of 4 small children (ages 6,4,2, and 6 months). She runs 3 small businesses: Surfaces with Paint, DPK Graphic Design, DPK Virtual Assistant Services. She enjoys spending time with her children as well as writing, reading, and exploring the internet. If you would like to contact Dawn, please feel free to send her an email at Dawn@PainterMommy.com.
You are so right to ignore it as much as possible. My oldest used to throw herself on the ground, throwinghuge screaming, kicking tantrums. It got so bad that I went to the pediatrician w/her and told dr. that either she or I needed to see a psychologist. He laughed, and told me that she was acting out to get my full, undivided attention – even if it got her in trouble (sent to her room, etc.)
He told me to act like she’s not in the room when she acted out. To walk away and pretend she’s not there – do not send her to her room or tell her to stop or ask what is the matter. Any acknowledgement would reinforce the tantum. He said it would take two weeks of my not giving in even one time before she stopped.
He was right – but it was two hard weeks of hell, let me tell you. I’d walk away and she’d wrap herself around my leg, kicking and screaming, and I’d have to pretend she wasn’t there at all.
The tantrums became fewer and further between and by the time two weeks went by, she had stopped throwing them completely. Even one year old children know what to do to get their way or their parent’s attention, even if it’s not the best way.
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What a great post!! Thanks so much for sharing
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admin Reply:
February 14th, 2010 at 4:17 pm
Thanks so much! Yeah, it is really interesting how children do these weird things and then you find that there are lots of parents out there who have children doing the same exact thing. I hope that my boy grows out of this very soon.
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My son began banging his head from the time he could lift it, however, he only did it to put himself to sleep and while sleeping. He never banged his head for attention or when he was upset or frustrated. I spoke to his doctor about it and he said it was a phase and that by the time he was about 3 he would no longer do it. Well my son is 10 years old and still does this throughout the night. He has never hurt himself as he usually does it off his mattress or pillow but he occasionally will do it off his hands. To get him to stop all I have to do is say his name very lightly and he will stop, which I think is weird, but if he doesn’t stop I pity his poor wife when he gets married, lol.
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Hi Dawn!
I know how you feel. Diagnosing these things online has it’s advantages and disadvantages… but for the most part it’s great for instant gratification and relief. Baby C shakes his head back and forth sometimes and it’s always a little weird but I think he’s just testing out his ability to do it… or any of the above, I suppose.. I like the comfort one or teething, maybe. But, I wouldn’t go as far as autism. But, I do remember with T because he was our first; being curious about weird movements or something out of the ordinary! I think you gave yourself the best advice.
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I have been dealing with this for over a yr. HE still bangs his head and thankfully it hasn’t been as much as before I think he’s realizing that it does hurt. But now he’s given into the nestea plunge and I think that will be a problem at least he does it from a sitting position.
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My almost two year old bangs/buries his head onto the floor or couch and he’ll scream. When his bed was in his room, he’d run in his room, slam his door and bury his face in his blanket and scream. It’s like he’s putting himself in a timeout to recoup. It’s hilarious. We pay him no mind, we call him the drama king.
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My one year old will bang his head on the kitchen floor when he gets mad. If we remove him from doing something (eating dog food), he will sit down on the floor and slowly lower his head to the floor and bang it 2 or 3 times. It is not hurting him, he is not doing it very hard. I am still concerned, but it is good to hear it is “normal behavior”.
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admin Reply:
May 15th, 2010 at 4:06 pm
Oh yes, it is totally normal so there is no need to worry. But you are definitely like me in the fact that you do your research when your child does something that is questionable. I was relieved to read all the resources saying that they eventually do grow out of it. My son is 18 months old now and still does this, but it is nowhere near how much he was doing it at 12 months old.
I wish you all the best sweety. Gotta love being a mom right?
DAWN
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