The “Know It All” Child

My oldest son will be 7 years old next month.  It amazes me how big he is getting.  I can remember holding him for the first time after giving birth and how totally amazed I was.  I couldn’t let him out of my sight in the hospital, in spite of everyone telling me I needed to get as much rest as I could before going home.  Putting him in the nursery was out of the question.  Of course I learned my lesson after that and realized that everyone was right and my next 3 babies all went into the nursery at night so I could get some rest.  LOL  I guess it is just that first baby thing.  There is something so exciting and special about it.

Anyway, my oldest is a lot like me.  He can be very sensitive, stubborn, and emotional.  But the hardest part to deal with is the fact that he thinks he knows it all.  Any of you moms going through that?  Seems like all children go through that phase at some time or another.

Talking back can be so frustrating, especially if I say something and immediately my son answers with “No, its not”.  I can say “It’s raining outside” and he would deny it even if it is actually raining.

I am trying to work with him about this constant disagreeing with everything anyone says including his siblings.  I want to scream over it sometimes, I really do.  The other day he was insisting that he was right about something that he was totally wrong about and I just gave up trying.  I have 3 other small children besides him and it is sometimes hard to stop what I am doing to pull him aside and deal with every tiny issue.  There are some things I have to walk away from.

But of course there are also other times where I know the situation is more serious and I absolutely have to take the time to reprimand and work through things like the usual bad attitude because he did not get his own way.  And I think it is a good thing to do that because I am not just dealing with one child – the other children are watching as well and if they see their older brother getting away with things, then they may think they can as well.

Also, at the last parent teacher conference my son’s teacher mentioned that he is a little bossy with the other kids and this concerns me because no one likes a person who thinks they know more than them and always cut down what they have to say.  It can be disrespectful.  And I know that a lot of the time my son doesn’t MEAN to be disrespectful, but I want to stop it before it becomes a habit for him.  I want him to know the difference between sharing his opinion and being overbearing with that “I’m Right, You’re Wrong”  know it all attitude.

I always love to do research when I am dealing with a particular parenting issue and I found an article on EzineArticles called “I’m Right and You’re Wrong!” – Is Your Child a Know-it-All? It had some great suggestions that I would like to share because it might help you if you are also facing this in your own family.

• Don’t Be Frightened by Your Child’s Opinions – “When your child is talking to you, they’re often trying to shape their own opinions. It’s better to hear your child out, state your opinion honestly, let them respond, and then respectfully disengage from the conversation. That way, nobody gets their feelings hurt and you’ve avoided an argument.”

• Don’t Keep the Argument Going – “Parents often feel like they have to get the last word in to be in control, which in reality only serves to further the child’s urge to argue with you.  One of the most powerful things you can do with kids who are know-it-alls is not respond to them when they try to drag you into an argument. Be respectful but disengage, because each time you respond, they feel compelled to answer back-and as you know, the discussion will just keep going and going.”

• Don’t Let One Child Ruin It for Everybody – “If one of your children doesn’t like what you’re having for dinner or doesn’t care for the movie choice, give them their options and don’t let them sit there and continue to annoy everyone with their negativity.  Often, when kids are over-stimulated, anxious or frustrated, it’s hard for them to switch thoughts on their own. A change of scenery and a few minutes away from the stimulation can be very helpful.”

• Use Cues – “Many parents of children who act in an overbearing way find it effective to come up with a cuing system with their child to signal that they’re “doing it again.” You and your child should agree on a signal, just like a cue in a movie or play. The gesture means, “Really stop it now. You’ve stated your opinion and you need to let it go. If you go further, there are going to be consequences.” Many parents find this a very effective, non-verbal tool for helping their child curtail inappropriate behavior without embarrassing them in front of others.”

I am really loving these ideas.  It confirms my thoughts that I really don’t want to take part in argument after argument over nothing, but it is still important to stand my ground as a parent and set boundaries.  I know I have a lot of learning to do and I know it isn’t always going to be easy.  I wish that my children would just be easy going and listen to what I say without fighting against me.  But I also know that they are growing and learning.  They are developing their own individuality and opinions. My issue is when it gets to the point of disrespect and that will be something that we continue to work through.

But I would really love to hear your thoughts and advice concerning the know it all child.  What have you done that might be helpful as I am figuring out the best way to deal with these types of situations with my son.  Please leave a comment below!  🙂