My grandma (otherwise know as GiGi, short for great grandma) passed away recently.? She was 94 years old.? It was a difficult time for us.? We all went to stay with my mom to help prepare for the funeral.? My grandma lived with my mom for her last couple years, so the kids did notice that she wasn’t there when we went to visit.? They asked for her a lot and it was a challenge trying to explain to them that she wasn’t here anymore – that she was in heaven.? My daughter asked me if we could go to heaven to see her.? It was sad and cute at the same time.
The one issue I was having was whether or not to bring them to the funeral service.? We decided to take them and just keep them in the back of the church for the service.? What we didn’t realize is that the funeral home brought my grandmas body into the church AFTER we had gotten there.? They wheeled the casket right by the kids from the back of the church to the front.? I was a bit upset and I it looked like my oldest (4 1/2) was in shock.? The funeral directors opened the casket before wheeling my grandma up to the front.? So from a child’s perspective it must’ve looked pretty odd to see her inside this big box being wheeled around.
On top of everything, I was nervous because my brother and I were doing the eulogy.? So all I could do was quickly explain to both my son and daughter, again, that Gigi (pronounced JiJi) died and that her body was sleeping and whatever else came to my mind at the time.
After the funeral, we got caught up with family, the catered luncheon, and taking pictures with family that we hadn’t seen in years.? The kids forgot about it and I was too exhausted to bring it up.? I decided to wait on them to ask me questions if they needed to.
It has been a few months now.? We have been back to my moms since the funeral and the kids have moved on.?? How quickly children can recover and forget.? But do they really forget?
Well, a couple weeks ago I found both of my children sitting next to eachother talking quietly watching a doll that they had carefully laid out on top of my daughter’s crib.? They turned the crib over and then laid a blanket over the doll. ? I asked them what they were doing and they explained to me that the doll had died.? It was so adorable, but yet so sad.? I took a picture of what they did.? It really looks just like my grandma did when she was in the casket.? Kids are so smart aren’t they?
Have any of you moms had to deal with this type of situation yet?? If so, how did you handle it?
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MY grandfather died 2 years ago, when KG was just 3 1/2…and she had been particularly close to him. It was hard for her to grasp and she went through a phase of saying she didn’t want to “go to Heaven”…but now she understands a smidge better and talks about seeing Poppie in Heaven. We made it a point to watch videos of him and still do. I think this helped her to feel like he was still a part of our lives.
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My kids process my mil’s death very similarly. When a dear friend died a year ago my daughter was at the funeral w/ us. She asked me why I was crying. “Because I miss Margaret.” She said to me, “Don’t worry, mom. You’ll see her again.” They wheeled the coffin to the burial site. She said to me, “See? There she is.” lol! Yeah, there she is. They talk about their memaw often. My dd says almost every night, “I miss memaw.” It’s hard sometimes.
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Well that brot tears to my eye’s.At least it did not leave me sobbing.How beautiful that they could honor GiGi that way.My emotions have been very raw since loosing Mom & then Auntie so soon after & now Uncle. Ken so sick.Healing after a death of one so close is at least ayr process. It is a way for the kids to grieve by acting it out,Thanx f takng the pic of the doll.It was so precious .LOVE MOM
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I don’t know what to say. My little man is only 7 months and I’m dreading all those questions. My other son is 13 and I don’t think he has experienced any death around at all.
Found you through Christie (My Life….A Work in Progress)
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I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m no expert on the subject for sure, but it does seem as if your kids are handling it well. They are dealing with it which is what is important. They are processing it. Death is part of life, and I think the younger they are when they first experience it, it may help them understand it is a part of life. I’m not trying to be harsh, and I hope I don’t sound harsh.
I never had a close loved one pass away until my Grandma at which time I was in my 20′s. I had been to a couple of funerals, but I really didn’t know the people. I think my mom just wanted me to experience them.
Anyway, I think your kids will be fine, and I think the way you approached it was just fine. And your kids hearing you give one of the eulogies was probably actually good for them. A good example if you will for them to learn how to process the loss of a loved one.
When questions arise, and they will, just talk to them. Be real and tell the truth.
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Great post, in a touching and meaningful way. Mine did the same thing as yours, only it was a stuffed animal. Personally I think it means they are handling it well.
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Hi
first time to your blog.
children are smarter then we give them credit for.
maybe because they are younger its been easier?
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Hi!!
I also lost my two beloved grandmothers recently, 95 and 94 years old…. I also told my 5 years old girl that grandma went to heaven and she was satisfied. BUT…a few days later she started asking strange things about death…. I think what hapened to your children was a little cruel but the fact that they “represented” the funeral declares that they behaved normally and healthy
I have to say that i spent hours watching at your work, as i am a crafter too… you are doing a fantastic job, i like them all so much…. and you have three kids!!! Welldone!!!
If you dont mind i ‘d like to put a link to your site in my blog….
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sorry…mistake (did not remember my blog lol lol )
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