It has been almost 3 weeks since my last post. Things have been so crazy. Our apartment flooded AGAIN and we are now homeless staying with friends from our church. What a nightmare, especially with 4 little ones in tow.
I don’t even have time to go into all the details, but just know that I have missed blogging very much. We are looking for a place to live right now and I am also trying to keep my virtual assistant and graphic design business going. Thank God that this wonderful family, who has taken us in, has wireless internet! So, my life now consists of living out of suitcases, taking care of my kids, working as much as I can, and holding on to God for dear life.
I am sure you are wondering why I have not fallen apart by now. Believe me, I have had my moments. Just yesterday I cried while driving home from looking at a rental house. I got so discouraged because the house was in our budget, but it was horrible. It had black mold growing on the walls and the rooms were really small. And the yard was only dirt – no grass. And that house was one of many that were very similar that I have looked at over the past few weeks. Last week I saw one that literally had crooked floors. I am just shocked at the condition of some of these places and the amount of money they want.
But, in spite of all the ups and downs, in spite of the unsettled life we are living in as a family – I know that God has something great in store. God allows things in our lives to make us stronger. We cannot give up or lose hope. We have to keep trusting in the midst of the suffering and the waiting.
I wrote a poem the other night. My first one in MANY years. I used to love to write – I suppose that is why I started blogging in the first place. But poetry went on the back burner once I started having kids. But getting my feelings out through this poem really helped me to have peace. So here goes:
In a world of in betweens
Dreaming of the beyond
Forced to trust and blindly walk
The curtain closes
Can’t see in the darkness
Left standing still – Waiting
For the next scene
The next blow
The next stain
Suffering waters the thirsty ground
Peace unfolds through the bleak winter days
Faith stirs under the surface
Helpless desperation for the Divine emerges
So, even though my life is turned upside down right now. This situation has drawn me closer to the Lord and for that I am grateful. I am focusing on the positive today instead of the negative. I have my moments of course, but I am really trying hard to be disciplined in my life and to stay focused on what is most important – God and my family.